Honesty to me was for a very long time a foreign concept. The best I could or would practice honesty would be in the form of white lies. I figured if I just didn’t omit all the facts, then it wasn’t quiet considered lying or dishonest. These old patterns and behaviors went on for a long time over the years. Eventually I got to the point where no one around me would listen or believe a word I said.
I was very alone once I got to that point of every time my lips moved you could expect a lie. At that point I began to surrender to different ideas. The idea that my thoughts and justified actions were not only unfair, but they were unjust most of the time. I surrendered to the idea of there being something more important than me and a bigger picture which I only played a very small part in. I had to come to the realization that I was not running the show, and I had to ask for guidance on how to live a normal, functioning and productive life.
Getting emerged into the recovery scene and surrounded by like-minded individuals is what it took for this addict/alcoholic. I was thoroughly convinced that I could not use or drink like a normal human being, and that I had an allergy to the first drink or drug. Once I started all bets were off, and not even myself had the slightest idea where I would end up.
Honest today for me looks and sounds like telling the truth even if it makes someone else or myself feel uncomfortable – but not do more harm than good. This is only true so long as my motives and intentions are good and pure, and no malice or malicious ideations are underneath. Honesty sounds like solution-based statements to me, and not complaining about problems. I can now say that because I am willing to be honest, open-minded and willing to follow suggestions that my life has made a total turn around, and for that I am forever grateful.